If I Could Paint it on a Canvas

If I could paint it

on a canvas

it would be red and black

smears with no pattern

dripping with pale skin

two spots for dead eyes

haunted and hunted

by the same hand

that pats on the back

and stabs with a knife

bloody and brutal

kind and caring

my hand

that locks me

in a cave

made by man

chained to a wall

years in the making

answering to the voices

that live inside

my head,

I answer

and do their biding

like a slave bound

to a master,

I have worked

for years to be

as they want

picking at the scabs

of my imperfections

never letting them heal

for the fear of never

being good enough

striving until I

can no longer feel

dropping blood

on the mud caked ground

pushing myself

to my feet

although I can

go nowhere

chained to the ground

lost with only

my dreams as company

too afraid to make

them a reality

when all I want to

do is sing dance

feel breathe fly

faster and further

until I remember

that I cannot fly

and I fall

deeper and harder

crying back to the

voices now laughing sneering,

they told me so,

how dare I believe different,

safer in my hole.

If my body is an

extension of my soul

then why does my

body crack and break

ooze and reek

making me scream

in the night,

or is it the day?

trapped where time

no longer matters

surrounded by the

mute screams

of my conscious

and desires

of what I have

always wanted

but never dared,

the void of my

splintering heart

filling with the cackles

of the ones I have to please

and when a hero comes

to find me,

release me,

make me smile

laugh again

wish for the warmth

of the shining sun

and asks

where is the key

and then I realize

I don’t know where the key is,

that I have hidden

it somewhere safe

and the hero does

not understand,

but how can someone else

understand what they have

not created?

and so I remain

locked in the box

that I created

with the knife

that the voices left me

so I cut open my skin

and paint on the wall

red and black

smears with no pattern

dripping with pale skin

two spots for dead eyes


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